i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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