im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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