like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
