Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
