I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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