There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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