If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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