??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
