I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
