The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
