i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
