I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
