Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
