Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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