If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
