Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
