is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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