I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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