Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.