i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica