so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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