Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
