**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
