omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
