when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
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He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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