States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
