she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
