This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
