I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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