I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize