They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
