I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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