nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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