kristin has been a bad kristin
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
