The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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