We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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