mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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