I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
