I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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