i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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