I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize