I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
