YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
