OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
