You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
honey bunches of taint.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
