And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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