i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
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went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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