This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
