Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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