Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
