I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
