I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
