this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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