I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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