At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize