Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
