One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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