Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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