Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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