i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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