Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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