I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
