spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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