You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
