I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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