HIV tests are more positive than that guy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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