i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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