i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
