I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
