omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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