Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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