I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
