That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
