you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
