You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
